Friday, January 5, 2018

Sweetmeats, Dark Appetites: A Christmas Horror Story




I received a letter in the mail.

A bright crimson envelope with sparkles, that when held a certain way, looked like it was covered with wet blood. A red Santa hat sticker held it closed. No return address. My name was written on it in fancy scrawling cursive letters.

Inside, a letter on crude textured hand-made paper with crushed flowers, linen, and plant fibers.

Dear Miss Anna Gormleigh,
In light of current events that have been brought to my attention in regards to your recent unemployment, I should like to cordially invite you, and a guest of your choice, to join me for a grand Christmas feast at my esteemed estate in the hills. 
As you may well know, I am a widower of great import, with a habit of being charitable once a year, at the time of our Lord’s birth. By attending my exclusive soiree, you shall be given the chance to put your name in the lottery pot, the winner of which shall be endowed with great riches beyond imagination. This is a chance at a new life, with all your old worries gone and to be thought of no more. 
Please be there at 5 p.m. sharp, as it is a first come, first to be served basis. Be prompt. The doors and the front gate will be locked at 8:05 pm. Formal attire is mandatory. 
I do so look forward to meeting you in person. 
Respectfully yours, 
Hamlet Penderghast


Joining the letter was a fancy invitation on scarlet paper written in gold lettering with the address, date and time. My name was on it.

I stared at it. “Holy shit.”

I couldn’t believe it. It felt like a dream. No way this could be true. And yet, here it was. In my very hands.

Me. Receiving a letter to earn a life grant from THE Hamlet Penderghast? Owner of the multi-trillion dollar Rouge Hat Foundation?

My hands shook. My mind raced.

I held the letter to my face and smelled it. A faint hint of cloves and cinnamon under French vanilla, and a pleasant musky smell that I could not quite put my finger on.

This was it. The real deal.

It was true.

I heard about people receiving letters from him before, it was a life-changing event.

All my life, I had prayed for something like this to happen. Now, suddenly, all of my dreams were finally within my reach. All I had to do, was show up and charm the old man and convince him to make his riches, mine.

It was like trying to rig the lottery…I had to figure out a way to skew it in my favor.

Did that mean arriving early, or late?

What color dress to wear? How slutty should it be? Low back and plunging neckline, or both? Was he a perverted old man? Or celibate in his old age?

I trembled, nervous and excited. With sweaty palms, I called my closest (OK, not that close, but she was the hottest and most well-cultured woman I knew) friend Lisa, and told her the news.

“No. Freaking. Way.”

“Yup!” I texted her a picture of the letter.

“Holy shit! Anna! You’re in! You’re so in!”

“I know! I can’t believe it. Anyways, it says that I can bring a plus one, so…want to come with me?”

“Oh. Wow. Are you sure? Wouldn’t you rather bring Steve?”

Steve, loser boyfriend, worst manners in the world.  

“No…he’s got family and is going to be out of town. I’d rather not bug him, just in case things don’t work out. He takes things hard if he gets his hopes up too much.”

“Oh…I see. OK. Sure. I’ll go with you. It’ll be a night to remember!”

“Great! I’ll pick you up at 4 p.m.”

I hung up and hummed the annoying new Christmas pop song on the radio. “Santa is Hungry for Your Love” as I dug through my closet.

I had two weeks until the big night, but I wanted to be 100% ready beforehand.

I got my nails and hair done, blew through a good chunk of my savings dolling myself up. But, like Lisa said, this was the biggest night of my life. It was worth it.

The stress and sleepless nights and debt collectors calling me at all hours, it would all be over soon.

Soon, I was going to have my day and never have want for anything ever again.

The weeks rushed by in a whirlwind. I was giddy, so excited that I barely ate--telling myself that I’d eat a ton at the dinner, imagining all the fancy rich people foods on such elegant spread in a dining hall; complete with dogs by the fireplace, fire crackling happily as we sipped on spiced wine and nibbled on sugared fruits, sweetmeats, and pies, and a rack of lamb, and Oh my God I was so hungry.

Not just for food.

I was hungry for a new life. A new start. A life free from poverty and Ramen noodles and eggs and powdered milk every day.

So. Very. Hungry.

I was curling my hair, imagining a feast for a kind and accidentally touched the hot iron.

“Shit!” I dropped it and it fell to the floor. I spread my bare feet in panic before they touched it. I picked up the iron, my finger throbbing from the pain and grit my teeth.

I was just touching up the job the hairdresser did earlier. I had a stray stubborn lock that refused to stay curled.

I sprayed it aggressively and stepped out of the bathroom to my bedroom, sucking gingerly on my burnt index finger. A red spot bloomed where my skin came into contact with the hot iron. It hurt, but I wasn't going to let it ruin my night.

I didn’t have time to get burn cream, so I just covered it with a clear band-aid and hoped for the best. Maybe he wouldn’t notice it. It hurt like a bitch, and I couldn't ignore it. It was distracting

I slipped on my burgundy red dress (sparkling with plunging neckline and bareback) and matching stiletto heels. I put on the wishbone necklace that Steve gave me for good luck a year ago when I got my last job- the one that recently fired me with no notice, the bastards. The charm was gold with a pearl inlay. I had hoped that it would bring me luck this time, but maybe I had decided to wear it to have a part of Steve with me, if only in spirit.

I double-checked myself in the mirror and then grabbed my things and rushed out the door.

I picked up Lisa and we drove to the estate, both of us chatting up a storm, that is until we saw the looming mansion on the hill.

My mouth went dry. I was so nervous that suddenly I really had to pee.

“You OK?”

I laughed nervously. “Oh, I’m fine. It’s just…in the winter night, with the snow falling around it, it should be peaceful, like a storybook castle. But it looks more like an evil step-mother’s house from a fairy tale.”

“Yeah. It does. Probably just a trick of the light, right?”

“Sure.”

The gates were open, stone gargoyles on the concrete wall grinned viciously down at us. They looked like they would come alive and eat us at any moment.

Lisa shifted in her seat. “I thought it’d be more festive. But, there are no Christmas lights on the trees out front. Don’t rich people love that sort of thing?”

“I bet he just likes a more natural look in his yard. I bet you anything the interior is full of decorations like Santa threw up all over.”

She laughed and her face lit up, putting me at ease.

I found a place to park, thinking it odd that there was no valet, and we trudged up the path, the snow freshly paved, crunching under our dress shoes.

“I swear to God, I feel like I’m going to fall and twist my ankle.”

“If you do, you can sue his pants off for damages.”

“Anna!” she admonished, and we laughed and walked up the concrete steps. I rang the doorbell and checked the time on my watch. 4:50 p.m.

We were on time.

I glanced back and noticed car tire tracks leading around the back of the property.

Were we the first guests to arrive? Or not? What did the invitation say? First come, first served?

Shit.

We were late, after all.

A sour-faced butler opened the door and he inhaled through his nose loudly. “Yes?”

“Um… Hi. Hello, I’m Anna Gormleigh. Here’s my invitation. Lisa is my plus one.”

He too the invite slowly and looked at me. “Does Lisa have a surname?”

I blushed, embarrassed. Lisa stood closer to me and put a calming hand on my own.

“Lisa Hancock,” she said firmly. Thank God she came with me. I was so stressed, I couldn’t even think straight.

I looked away, hiding the tears welling up in my eyes. I rubbed my thumb against the bandaid I used to hide my burn and focused on the pain.

If my mascara ran now…fuck.

Calm down Anna. Calm down. It’s fine. It’s all going to be fine. Right?

“Courage,” Lisa whispered as the butler led us indoors.

We were hit with a wave of delicious scents, nutmeg, cloves, ginger, vanilla. They seemed to cover up a sickly sweet scent that I couldn’t quite place. The entrance way was white marble. A big brass fireplace with a fire happily snapping away greeted us as we stepped forward on the mirrored stone floor. It was breathtakingly beautiful.

A huge Christmas tree stood in the center of the foyer. It was sprayed with white flocking and covered in ornaments. Shreds of red tinsel hung were strung along it, that made it look like the tree limbs were weeping blood. The crimson bulbs stood out in a striking pattern of droplets of scarlet in white snow.

It was beautiful, and it made me hungry to see more.

The butler took our jackets and told us to wait a moment by the fire.

As soon as he left, Lisa turned to me, beaming.

“This place is gorgeous! Thank you so much for bringing me.”

I smiled. She was cute when she was excited. She was like a little girl at times, but in a good way.

“You’re welcome. God, I’m so nervous.”

“Don’t be. Just act like you belong here. Because if anyone deserves it, it’s you.”

“Oh stop, you’ll make me blush again.”

“So what if you do, with all this red around us, you’ll blend right in, right?”

I laughed and the huge double doors to our left opened. A woman in a French maid outfit stepped out and curtsied.

“Right this way, misses.”

“Misses?” Lisa whispered and we grinned at each other. It was like I was sixteen all over again and going to prom with the hottest senior boy at school.

Inside, there were a number of brown leather chairs in a half circle, all facing each other, and a smaller, less elegant fireplace roaring away, filling the room with warm yellow light.

It had gotten dark outside. The large windows had their long drapes pulled open, and all I could see was my reflection in them as I walked past I looked so…hungry.

A middle-aged hipster man in pressed jeans, trendy sweater, beard and man bun sat next to a plump woman in a rumpled dress that was one size too small for her. It showed off the fat rolls on her sides and I tried not to outwardly grimace at how tacky she looked. If this were a different scenario, I'd feel bad for her, but right now? I just saw her as someone to easily beat in the lottery.

On the opposite side of the half circle, an androgynous goth college kid, of which I couldn’t tell if it was a girl or a guy, sat sideways with feet dangling off the side of the chair. The kid wore paint-spattered torn jeans, a faded metal band t-shirt, and a red knit winter hat. They were playing a game on their smart-phone and not paying attention to any of us. Perhaps he or she was the grandchild?

The hipster man adjusted his over-sized black-rimmed glasses and stood up to greet us with an outstretched hand.

“Hi! I’m Mike, this is my sister Lorraine.”

“Anna.”

“Lisa.”

We shook his hand. Lorraine didn’t stand to greet us. She just looked down her piggy nose at me and I could practically see the jealousy roll off of her in waves of heat.

She hated me already. Which was fine by me. I didn’t care for her either. In fact, the more she stared at me, the more my loathing for her grew, until I could barely contain my rage.

“Quite incredible to be here, isn't it?” he asked.

“Yeah, sure is,” I said through a forced smile.

My heart raced. I was furious. I dug my finger into the burn spot, making it hurt worse. If there wasn't a band-aid covering it, I would've cut open the skin with my thumbnail.

Bastards. How long have they been here? 

I wanted to kill them.

An image of my hand grabbing the fire poker and bashing their faces in flashed in my mind. I tried to shake it off, but I kept thinking about wanting to make them bleed.

How dare they? This was MY turn. My chance to change my life. Forever.

Not. Theirs.

They needed to die. And fast.

“Did you have trouble with driving up here in the snow?” he asked me.

“Oh, no. I’m used to it.”

Lisa sat down next to the goth kid and I saw a slight frown on her face.

“Where did you park?” Lisa asked.

“Out front. Why?”

“We didn’t see your car.”

“The valet moved it,” the college kid said, not looking up from their game. I saw limp hair under that red cap, it was greasy, almost wet looking, and for a brief second, I thought I saw blood. I blinked and looked at them again. No. Their scalp was not covered in blood.

I was just seeing things.

“I’m sorry,” Lisa said. “I didn’t catch your name.”

“Cinnamon,” the kid replied. Their voice, like their appearance, made it hard to determine what sex they were. So was their name, apparently.

“Oh, what a nice name.”

“Whatever.” Cinnamon stood up. “I’ll go tell Uncle Hamlet that you’re here. I don’t want to wait much longer. I’m starving.”

“Oh, OK,” I said.

When Cinnamon walked past I noticed that their teeth didn’t quite fit their mouth. Maybe too young for braces? I kept looking at their cranberry colored lips as they shuffled out of the room.

Mike cleared his throat. “Uh…I didn’t give my car keys to anyone. Cinnamon said that the valet moved my car, but that can't be possible.”

“Seriously?” I asked.

He dug them out of his pants pockets and held them up. “See? I still have my keys."

"That's weird." Please leave now. Just go. Don't come back. 

 "I’m going to go look, just in case. Maybe you just didn’t see it out there? It’s a white car. It could’ve blended in with the snow bank in the dark.”

“I guess. I mean, I was so nervous driving up, it's possible that I could’ve missed it.” Yes. That's it. Go outside, and freeze to death. Get out of my way. 

His fat sister made an annoyed face.

“Oh, don’t be like that. I’ll be right back,” he said and left her there, with us.

“Anna, there were tire tracks in the snow leading behind the mansion,” Lisa said and went to look out the window. She cupped her hands around her eyes to block out some of the glare and peered outside.  “They’re gone now.”

“What? Really?” I peeked beside her. The snowfall had increased, a blanket of white filled the air and completely covered our footprints. It was as if we had never been there.

“Wow. I didn’t think it was snowing that hard. Guess it picked up after we got inside.”

“Yeah.”

A manservant walked in, looking bored, holding a tray of appetizers. Red pomegranate seeds on stark white beds of cheese and red apple slices. Simple, yet elegant.

When offered, I graciously picked one up and took a bite.

The pomegranate meat spurted satisfyingly in my mouth.

I wanted it to be Lorraine’s head. My mouth crunching down on her skull, making the blood and eye goop everywhere.

I swallowed the seed pit and coughed.

“Oh my God are you OK?” Lisa asked.

I nodded and spit out the seed. “Sorry,” I said, eyes watering. The seed had scraped the back of my throat. I felt…weird. My lips tingled, so did my fingers.

Am I allergic to pomegranate? 

I became light-headed. My lips and tongue itched and I could feel my gums like they were swelling up. My teeth ached. Maybe I chipped one on the pomegranate seed?

I took water that another waiter offered and chugged it down. It was very unladylike, but I really didn’t care at that point.

“You’re not supposed to eat the pit,” Lisa whispered.

“I know. Shut up.”

Lorraine pointed to my face. I fought back the urge to bite her pudgy piggy finger off. “You got some juice on your face.”

“Thanks.” I dabbed my lips with a napkin.

Lisa took my arm and whispered in my ear, “Stop glaring at her. She’s trying to be nice.”

“What? I’m not glaring at her.”

“You are. Cut it out. It looks bad.”

Part of me wanted to rip my arm away or break Lisa’s fingers. I wondered what it would feel like, sinking my teeth into the flesh of her tender digits.

The thought should’ve startled me, but it didn’t.

My hands grew sweaty and the band-aid on my finger came loose, so I took it off, and stared when I saw that the burn was suddenly gone.

Had I imagined it? Or did it just heal, somehow?

What was going on here?

Suddenly I was acutely aware of how quiet the house was. Aside from the sound of snow plinking against the windows, and Lorraine breathing loudly through her nose, there was no other sound to be heard.

I looked for one of the wait staff, to ask for some more water, and I couldn't find them. The wait staff had just…disappeared. I saw them standing in the doorway one minute and the next, it was as though they had never existed, to begin with.

Odd that.

I rubbed my top gums with a finger. Why did they hurt so much? They definitely were swollen.

“Are you all right?” Lisa whispered.

“I think I might be allergic to pomegranate.”

“Oh no. I think I might have some antihistamine in my purse. Let me go check.”

“OK.”

Lorraine waddled to the window and stared out, squinted her piggy eyes. “What do you think happened to our car? We’re kind of in the middle of nowhere. Who would steal it?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you should go find Michael and see if he figured out what happened.”

“Good idea,” she said and snatched up her purse and heavily stomped out of the room.

I sighed in relief. Maybe she’d get lost and find herself locked in a closet or something. Anything to get her out of the run for the money.

Her footsteps faded as she tromped down the winding hallway, looking for her brother.

"They have to be in here somewhere," Lisa muttered as she dug in her purse.

I looked pleadingly at her, feeling my gums swell so much that I thought they’d bulge my teeth out of my mouth.

She gave me an apologetic look. “I thought I brought some with me, but I didn’t. I’m sorry.”

“Maybe the host has some. Old people often have huge medicine cabinets, right?”

“I hope so. If not, I can always run out and get some for you. I mean, it’d be better for your guest to leave, than for you to go. This is such an important night for you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Hun, your lips are swelling up. I think it would be for the best. I’d rather go and risk the snow, than end up sitting with you in the emergency room.”

“You’re right. Here, take my car keys. I’m insured so don’t worry if something happens.”

“OK.” She took them, hung her purse on her slim shoulder and left to go find her jacket.

I sat down by the fire and tried to calm myself down. I had an icy pit growing in my stomach. I was nervous, my chest felt tight.

Then. I noticed it.

An aroma.

Something smelled good. I hadn’t noticed it before.

What was it?

Apples. Cloves. Nutmeg. Raisins. Currants. Candied Citrus…Mincemeat pie? Maybe?

My stomach growled.

Maybe I needed to eat more? It would calm my nerves.

I just needed to stay away from the pomegranate. I went to go look for where the delicious food was displayed and there was a bang of a door, followed by a thump, and a long heavy dragging sound.

“What the hell was that?”

I poked my head out the door and froze. A streak of wet red paint ran across the foyer to a door on the opposite side of the hall.

No wait...that couldn't be paint. It smelled like spiced wine and gingerbread cookies.

As I stepped closer to investigate the wet paint, the wind picked up and began to howl outside, throwing snow up against the front of the house. It was turning into a blizzard.

We might be stuck here until morning when the snow plows cleared the road.

“Hey!” Lorraine called out and I looked down the hallway at her. She looked very worried, on the verge of tears. “Do you know where the help went off to? I can’t find anyone.”

“No, I--”

“What’s that on the floor? Is that blood? It is! That's blood! Oh my God! Mikey? Mike? Where are you?” she shouted and ran towards the door that the paint streak led to.

Just then, Cinnamon slammed the door open and smacked Lorraine square in the face. She slipped in the paint and fell, cracking her head hard on the marble floor.

“Oh. Shit,” Cinnamon said and kneeled by her. I saw him or her (I still wasn't sure) tuck something metallic and sharp looking in their pants pocket. “Help me, will you?” they asked and looked at me.

“Is she dead?”

“Not yet. Why? You want her dead?”

I smiled. “Yes.”

“Well, then. Help me drag her in here and we’ll make that happen.”

"All right."

I was giddy, like a kid in a candy shop. Here was the competition, dropping like flies.

I helped the androgynous Cinnamon, who, upon closer inspection had no Adam’s Apple, and I realized that she was a young woman. She was a Goth girl who could very easily pass for a boy.

I helped her pick up Lorraine and carry her into the room we were staying in.

“Let's put her down on the couch. We’ll take care of her body in a little bit.”

“Sure.”

Someone stepped into the room and I turned, expecting to see Lisa, but instead, standing in the doorway was a tall, sophisticated elderly gentleman in a burgundy red suit and tie, with a jaunty fur-lined Santa hat covering white hair that had yellowed with age.

He had an air of elegance about him. He didn’t appear fragile or weak, as one would expect of someone his age. He stood straight up, as though he had a backbone made of steel.

“Ah. Uncle Ham. Sorry, I was just trying to clean things up, as you asked, but I appear to have made more of a mess of things.”

“Not to worry, young Cinnamon. These things happen.”

“Lorraine slipped in the hallway and hit her head,” I said and Cinnamon’s eyes flicked my way. A sly smile curved up a corner of her mouth and she nodded in approval.

“I can see that,” Penderghast said, a glint of malice in his black licorice eyes. He smelled of candied apples. My mouth watered at the taste in the air.

So hungry. I really should’ve eaten something before we left.

Penderghast stepped over to where Lorraine lay like a beached whale, her eyes glazed over in a daze. She had to have a concussion.

“Michael, I have to find Michael,” she blubbered.

“Oh? Would you like to join him? He’s in the other room. I…ran into him as he stepped out to inquire about your vehicle. Rest assured, your car is fine,” he said and smiled.

I stared at him. Hamlet’s mouth had thick bright red gums. His lips barely closed down over his huge pointed shark's teeth. They were cracked in places like they had chipped from being filed into triangles.

I ran my tongue over my own teeth.

What would it feel like, for mine to be that sharp? Would I bite off my own tongue by accident? What could they bite through?

“Oh, good,” Lorraine said, “Take me to my brother. I want to go home now.”

“Of course,” he said and put out a hand, helping her to her feet. She wobbled and barely walked in a straight line as he escorted her out. His tall form easily held up her tubby body. I was impressed by his strength.

I wanted to be like that. Strong, lean, all muscle and jaws and teeth. The ultimate predator of humanity.

Penderghast glanced back at me and winked as the door swung shut. It made my heart leap in my chest.

Cinnamon sighed. “I’ll be right back. Gonna clean up the floor before the blood sets.”

“Sure,” I said taken aback.

Blood? I thought that was paint. It certainly didn't smell like blood to me.

After a few moments, Lisa slipped into the room, startling me.

“Anna,” she hissed, handing me my jacket and hurriedly put on her own. “Come on. We have to get out of here.”

I stood there for a moment, and then tossed my jacket over the couch arm. “I’m not going anywhere. I belong here.”

“Are you serious? This place is fucked up! Didn't you see the blood?"

"Blood? No. That was paint."

Lisa gave me a look like she wanted to smack me. "You're crazy. That was blood. Mike's blood. Cinnamon hit him with something. I saw her drag him into the side room. These people, they aren’t who you think they are.”

“What the hell would you know? I didn’t have to invite you, you know. I could’ve asked someone else.”

“I know, and as your friend, I am telling you, we need to get out of here before they kill us too.”

“Stop over-reacting. It’s fine. I’m not going to throw away this opportunity. It is going to change my life. Forever.”

“What are you talking about? I thought you were having an allergic reaction. I thought you wanted to go get medical attention. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Nothing. I’m fine now. Never felt better.”

“OK, fine. But, we need to leave. Now. Before they get rid of our car too.”

“You mean my car.”

“Yes. So come on!” She tried to pull me by the arm and I dug my heels in and didn’t budge. “Anna. Please! Let’s go!”

“No.”

“Did you see their teeth?”

“Yes and?”

“What uber rich person doesn’t have perfect teeth? Their dentists all know them on a first name basis.”

“Maybe it’s a genetic condition. Maybe they aren’t shallow and don’t worry about how their mouths look. Ever think of that?”

“Anna, I’m trying to save your life! Now come on!” she grabbed my jacket and yanked me towards the front entrance.

“Stop.”

“No. We’re leaving. Before they kill us too.”

I grabbed the door frame and stopped walking. She stumbled forward and glared at me.

“What is your problem?”

Anger flared in me.

How dare she ruin this for me. I waited my whole life for an opportunity like this and here she wanted to run home like a little girl.

I was grinding my teeth. I didn’t notice until I bit down and my teeth sliced through it, the tip of my tongue came clean off. I winced and blood quickly filled my mouth. It tasted like sweet plum wine. My stomach growled and I swallowed. It was delicious.

Lisa stared at me in horror. “Oh. My. God. Did you just…did you just bite off the tip of your tongue and eat it?”

“Yes. It tasted really good,” I said, my blood dribbling down my chin.

“Oh fuck this shit,” she said and ran off towards the front door. It wouldn’t open. She made a growl of frustration and ran the other way, past me, towards the back of the building. “I’m leaving. Get a cab to drive you home,” she shouted back at me.

“Oh…you’re not going anywhere,” I whispered and chuckled. This was going to be fun.

I saw that Cinnamon left the door open to the room where the "blood" streak trailed into.

I walked over and inside, I saw a huge life-sized canvas standing. A ghastly painting of innards and intestine strung upon a Christmas tree. It was oddly pretty and grotesque at the same time.

Next to it was a metal table, with a now naked Michael lay. He was pale. Not breathing. Dead.
His arms hung off the sides, long cuts ran down the undersides, his hands in buckets where his blood was draining. I was hit with an overwhelming scent of mint and fresh squeezed orange juice, mixed with cloves and nutmeg.

My tongue stopped bleeding, it tingled and itched horribly and in an instant, I felt it grow back. I loved it. Wondered how many times I could bite off the end and eat it before it stopped growing back.

Cinnamon stood on the far side of the table and was cutting off patches of skin from his thigh.

“Hairy bastard, isn't’ he?” she asked and grinned. Her teeth, serrated, chunky, like a jumble of shark’s teeth, over-filled her mouth.

“He is.”

“Want some?” she asked and motioned to the glistening bundle of muscle that she had uncovered on his leg. “It’s like well-seasoned pork tenderloin. He tastes really good.”

I took a deep breath in. Heat filled my belly and crawled down to my crotch, where it left me tingling and wet. It surprised me. This feeling of intense arousal. I was so hungry. For food. For sex. For life. I wanted to eat him. I wanted to eat all of him, and keep eating until I was so stuffed that I couldn't even move.

“Yes. Yes,. I do,” I said, my heart pounding, as my greedy hunger took over all of my senses.

"Oh? Looks like you want to do more than that, sweet cheeks."

"I want to rub his minty citrus blood all over me and bath in it while I eat him," I said and ran my hands over my tits and squeezed them hard.

“Hot damn! He was right! You ARE one of us!”

“One of what?” I asked and slowly stepped up to the table.

“A redcap. Uncle finds us and adopts us into the family. We’re cousins, of a sort, you and I.”

“Does this mean that I get the money?”

“Honey, you get that, and more. Much, much more,” she handed me a thick quivering cord of dark red meat from Mike’s thigh. I took it and licked my lips. It smelled so sweet, like Christmas cookies. Not savory at all. Definitely not like pork loin, like she had said.

“Why does it smell like that?” I asked.

“Like what, my dear?”

I jumped. Penderghast was in the room. Somehow, he had snuck up on us.

“Like spiced wine and apples and oranges. Like Christmas cookies and spiked eggnog,” I said. "Cinnamon said he tasted like pork loin, but I don't smell that at all on his flesh."

He grinned and stepped over. I saw that his long-fingered hands were slicked with blood.

“Because, my dear Anna, you aren’t human. Not anymore. Not since you stepped foot in here and ate the pomegranate.”

I frowned. “What?”

I knew that I should be scared, but I wasn’t. I was thrilled. Excited, sexually aroused. Everything was warm and pulsing in me. I never felt more alive in my life.

“Once you eat fairy food, you can never leave. Those who remain human, become our meals. Those who change, who transform into their true gluttonous natures, like you, and become family.

“You inherited the fairy magic. Congratulations."

"Fairy? Magic? I don't quite understand."

"You felt it, the minute you bit down on the pomegranate, didn't you? That hot, tingling that made your gums bulge and teeth grow?"

"Yes."

"Well, once a year, on Christmas Eve, I can grant riches and immortality to one lucky person. If their true natures matches my own dark appetites, they become like me. And my dear, the lucky winner of the lottery this year, was you,” he said and lifted my chin with a bloody hand. It smelled like strawberry shortcake. My stomach growled. “You want to lick the blood off, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“You may if you like.”

“Thank you, Uncle,” I said and slowly licked and sucked the blood off. Sighing and closing my eyes as I swallowed. “Yummy.”

“Does Lisa taste delicious?”

“Yes. Oh God, yes.”

“Want to eat her. All of her?”

“I do.”

He grinned. “Very well. Eat your appetizer, first."

"Appetizer?"

"Finish up what you hold in your eager hands, and we’ll move to the dining room for the main course.”

I glanced down at the slab of muscle in my hands. Meat. Sweet, sweet meat. I hungrily tore into it, blood dripping down my chin and plopping on my shoes and the floor as I chewed. It had the pleasant texture of rare steak but tasted like mincemeat pie. It settled warmly in my stomach, like a hot wine.

Penderghast nodded approvingly and then gently escorted me to the dining area. Lorraine and Lisa were cut open on the long table. Heads cut off and placed on the fireplace mantle with apples in their mouths.

It made my heart leap with joy. We were going to eat my friend. Finally, she’d be useful for something.

Cinnamon came in and started pulling out their intestines, dragging them along the floor and hanging them about the room like garland.

“Your cousin Cinnamon has great taste in interior decor, don’t you think?”

I smiled. “She does.”

“Heart, or liver first?”

“Liver. Please,” I said and sat down in front of Lisa’s butchered body.

Penderghast placed her large, slippery, wet liver on my plate and motioned for me to eat.

I dug right in. She tasted so good. Like caramel apple cheesecake. I couldn’t get enough of it.

The more I ate, the more I wanted. Even after gorging myself on her flesh, my stomach felt empty.

Sighing I sat back and licked the gore off my hands.

“Still hungry?”

“Yes.”

He nodded. “Everything has a price. My gifts you to, their price is eternal hunger. It will never cease. But, you shall grow accustomed to it, in time.”

“Oh. Really?”

“Yes. It’s a fair trade-off though, don’t you think?”

“How is that?”

“You get to inherit my riches, you never have need or want for anything ever again. All you have to do is eat and eat and eat to your heart’s content and never grow fat. And next year, you shall go out and invite four more humans to the feast. How does that sound?”

“It sounds delicious.”

He stood behind me and reached down and hugged me like a favored child. “Merry Christmas, Anise Seed.”

“Merry Christmas Uncle Ham.”

He laughed and I laughed and we ate the rest of my friend. She was the best thing I ever had for the holidays.

There’s only 365 more days until the next Christmas Feast. And I’m so very, very hungry.




Sunday, December 17, 2017

Top 5 Horror Films of 2017

It's been a while since I've done a movie review post. So I thought I'd tell you guys about my favorite top 5 horror films of 2017.

5. A Dark Song




"A Dark Song" is a one woman's journey into her own dark psyche to find answers after her young son is brutally killed.

A trip through hell, to reach a final conclusion that I didn't see coming, but it makes total sense. The visuals are neat, there are some really creepy things that happen in the house when shit hits the fan, and I can't recommend it enough. It heavily features religious iconography, so keep that in mind while you watch it. It's got a lot of Christian esotericism in it so themes of angels and demons run throughout.





4. The Void



A strange cult has trapped people in a hospital that is about to shut down. Tentacles and monsters soon attack, and the Sheriff is forced to work with two strangers to try to save his nurse wife from an unimaginable evil.

I reviewed "The Void" here. It makes the list because it's a fun creature feature that's a mix of "Silent Hill" and "Hellraiser," two franchises that I absolutely adore.

Also, it would've been higher on the list, if it HAD BETTER DAMN LIGHTING!





3. Stake Land II: The Stakelander




It's the vampire apocalypse. Martin is on a quest to find Mister, a legendary vampire hunter who saved his life in the first movie and trained him to fight and stay alive in desperate times.

"The Stakelander" has a wonderful western movie feel to it. Vamp cult comes to town, kills Martin's family, and sends him on a quest for revenge. Highly underrated. If you love vampires and vampire hunter stories, this is a must see!





2. Cult of Chucky





Chucky is, back, and this time he's picking off patients of a mental hospital, one by one, while he patiently waits for Andy to come for him.

I have to admit, I wasn't a fan of the last three Chucky films. So I was pleasantly surprised when I enjoyed the hell out of "Cult of Chucky." All the wit, wry gallows humor, and clever viciousness of Chucky is back, in full swing, for one hell of a fun ride!





1. IT





An evil alien takes the visage of a creepy clown and terrorizes local kids of the Losers Club. They fight back, and find a way to win...for now.

To be honest, I wasn't sure if I was going to like "IT" when I saw the trailer.  It looked like another mainstream heartless horror remake.

I was wrong.

It has a lot of heart, and the kid actors are top notch! This one is at the top of my list because I thoroughly enjoyed it, it did everything right, including adding new things to the old familiar story. While nothing surprised me, and overall it didn't scare me, there were a few suspenseful scenes in it that were completely unique, and I LOVED it for that.

Plus, the kid playing little Georgie was AMAZING! And Bill Skarsgard is a wonderful Pennywise. Love his version of the monster. Can't wait to see the next movie.



Honorable mentions go to The Babysitter and Raw. 


"The Babysitter" is a fun little romp into horror slasher land. Evil babysitter worships Satan and wants to sacrifice the kid for power or whatever.

"Raw" is a good French thriller. I don't really consider "Raw" to be a horror film. More like a cannibal family drama. It's not as gross as people said it would be, but then again, maybe I have a stronger stomach for that sort of stuff than most people do lol

What about you? What were your favorite horror films that came out in 2017?

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Top 5 Important Lessons I learned in 2017




Well, guys, we made it through another CRAZY year over at Casa de la Carnage. And boy, am I tired!

Too bad I can't hibernate. Sigh.

I don't know about you, but 2017 was pretty darn rough for me. And, like most periods of trial and tribulation, I learned some very valuable lessons.

Without further ado, here are my top 5 things I learned in 2017.


5. Social Media is Great for Self Promotion


Twitter is an invaluable promoting tool for an author. Prior to doing book ad blasts on my Twitter account, I was lucky to get 200 page views a day. This number increased up to 2,000 page views on average.

It would be higher, but I had some run-ins with the Google Search Engine police...meaning they kept changing the algorithm and started punishing people for putting links to their own books on their blogs. Not sure why, but they HATE it when you do that. They call it link stuffing. Been slapped on the wrist twice by Google for doing that now.

It's bullshit, but whatever.

4. Link Stuffing is Not Something You do to Turkeys for Thanksgiving


Say for instance you have a book published on multiple sites, and you decide to share ALL THE LINKS in a post so that people know where to find them, and on what sites they show up. That will get your search results rank lowered. BIG TIME. I went from 2,000 page views to 100 page views overnight. OUCH! THAT HURTS.

So...from now on, no big list of links on the site to my books on Amazon etc. And if I do share a link to Amazon,  it has to have the rel=no follow attribute added to it.  You can read more about that here if you're interested.

3.  If Given the Proper Amount of Time, I Can Write up to 10,000 Words in One Day


Wait...what? Are you fucking serious?!

Yes. Yes, I am.

BUT!

Keep in mind, on average it takes me 1 hour to type 1,000 words. So, in order to write that much, I have to have my butt in the chair, with zero distractions, for 10 hours straight. Needless to say, that doesn't happen very often. But when it does, it's fucking glorious. Feels good too.

Leading up to that was several months of writing 4,000 words a day. I had to flex my writing muscles and build up their strength to achieve such feats. Will I ever do that again? Probably. Am I counting on every day being that fucking amazing? No. Definitely not. That's just setting myself up for failure, and I won't do that again.


2. If You Don't Give Yourself Permission to Write for Fun, You will Suffer Burnout 


This lesson was a tough one to learn.

Writer's block, physical and mental fatigue, frustration, feelings of being useless and a failure, all go hand-in-hand with writer's burnout.

Burnout can happen in a myriad of ways.

I suffered it back in June and it took me 4 months to break out of it.

I was pushing myself too hard, and putting way too much emphasis on how much my books were selling (and how little money they were making) and not enough emphasis on how much I enjoyed my work.

That combined with absolutely zero emotional support from the people I lived with, made it pretty damn hard to get up and be eager to start working on my next book. Or free serial for that matter.

It sucked. HARD. And not in the good way. We're talking vacuum cleaner, not sexy kinky sucking.

All that dirt and crap from the stress of not reaching unrealistic sales goals right off the bat got stuck in my head and made a complete mess of me. I had to fight tooth and nail to get my headspace cleaned up and back in working order.

And once I did that (after summer and fall had passed) I realized that I had unrealistic expectations and that they caused me to stop enjoying what I was doing, and that is why I had the worst writer's block I have ever suffered from.

Here's something "they" won't tell you: 

When you first start out as an author, your books won't sell that much. That's just a fact. But every time you put out a new book, the sales numbers increase. Sales for your other books will raise as well.

I know a good number of fellow authors that gave up because their first book didn't sell for shit.
I'm talking making less than $20 in a month type of shit sales here. That hurts. It hurts your bank account and your ego.

Until you have three books up, don't pay for advertising, and don't expect your books to sell well. Because people buy in bulk. If they find a new author they're interested in, they'll buy all the books that they've put out.

Just keep that in mind, and don't ever stop working on your next project just because you aren't selling books. KEEP ON KEEPING ON my friends.


1. Don't Quit. Ever.


If you're a creative type, like me, it's easy to get discouraged. Perfectionism, focusing low sales numbers during the summer (when there is always a lull in sales- you can look it up. I know I had to, in order to find out what the best months for book sales were during the year),  and family members telling you to give up your craft and go get a "safe job" in a different field all lead to INTENSE PRESSURE THAT THREATENS TO CAVE IN YOUR SKULL.

Creativity jumps head-first out the top story window and plummets to its death, splatting on the pavement in a streak of red gore and shattered bone.

You're left sitting at your desk, staring at a blank Word program screen, watching the cursor blink and spacing out, before the frustrated tears start to fall and blur your vision. (Did I mention that this year was fucking hard? Because it really, really was.)


And then I saw this video and everything started to click into place. 






Yes, I know it sounds like self-help guru bullshit. But, it's not. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE!

Essentially, whenever you have zero motivation, like you feel like giving up and shooting your brains out for instance, (That's hyperbole. I was not suicidal, but I was damn near close to becoming depressed.) you take a step back and count down from 5 to 1.

And in that short span of time, it makes your brain go to a screeching halt and stops the negative thinking. It helps you refocus your attention so that you can start tasks. Whatever they may be, if you don't feel like doing them, don't wait for the motivation to strike. DO IT NOW.


Take a deep breath, count down from 5 to 1, and GO DO YOUR SHIT.


I was so pleasantly surprised when I discovered that this actually works!

It is also very useful if you suffer from random anxiety attacks like I do. It cuts that shit off fast. It is probably THE MOST USEFUL BRAIN HACK I HAVE EVER COME ACROSS. Seriously.
Try it. You won't be disappointed.

With everything that I accomplished this year, (and really, I have accomplished a lot! I published two books, started another serial, was establishing my reader fan base here on my blog and on Twitter, and getting a lot of praise for my writing) I was frustrated. I felt useless and like I was a huge failure.

Then I saw that video. I watched it several times.

Things starting clicking into place and I realized, I can change everything that is wrong with my life. Very easily. I just needed to do it.

And that is what I have been doing. One step at a time. I've been figuring out what I can do to make my life better, and I'm doing it. Some days are easier than others, but I am committed to making positive, permanent change in my life.

I'm also eating better.

Yeah, I also learned this year that I am gluten intolerant. Not in the trendy hipster way, but in the "oh shit this is fucking up my stomach and intestines" kind of way whenever I eat wheat. Like, the pain and bloating and other unsalacious things I won't mention that go along with Celiac disease kind of way. Of which,  also causes depression and a whole bunch of other nasty things if it is ignored. There's no cure for Celiac. There's no pill to make the symptoms better. The only thing to do is to not eat wheat, barley, rye, or any of their by-products.

So I am now on a low carb diet, sans gluten of any kind. And I FEEL BETTER! Mentally, and physically. And it's nice.


What do I anticipate will happen in 2018? 

I am going to work smarter, not harder.

I've started using this free app called HabitHub. It lets me track when I do certain tasks and gives me reminders that I can set during the day, to ensure that I finish them. It gives me a visual, a chain of finished events that I have done over the week. The goal is to get that chain longer and longer until I am just so damn proud of myself that I brag about it on social media.

The plan is to establish a new writing routine that gets my mind set up to habitually want to write every day. I did it before, back in 2009 when I first started doing technical writing for sites, so I know that I can do it again. And I will.

I've crunched the numbers (because I'm a HUGE PLANNER GAL) and figured out how much I need to write, on a daily basis, to get everything I want to do, done. This includes paid technical writing while I get my fiction writing career off the ground.

Doing paid writing work for websites also takes the pressure off of me, so that I can finally enjoy writing fiction again.

For every hour I do technical writing, I will do one hour of writing for fun. And naturally, for me, writing for fun involves a good amount of blood and suffering for my characters. Mwahahaha!

Also, I decided that if my books sell significant amounts next year, great! If not, I won't be crying about it. I'll just keep plugging away until I reach my sales goals and can scale back the technical writing side of things.

And finally, I am going to help my husband and lift him up so that he gets a better paying job. This will also take pressure off of me and will help us get a new house. Because sooner or later (hopefully sooner) we're going to be starting a family. I am looking forward to that.

How about you?

How was 2017 for you?

Do you have any goals for the new year?

I'd love to hear from you!

-Cassie





Tuesday, October 24, 2017

I'm Gearing up for NaNoWriMo 2017! Yes, I am that crazy.



Here's a Sneak Peek at what I'm going to be writing next month! 


Rites of Passage
Author: Cassie Carnage
Genre: Horror/Supernatural

Synopsis

A coming of age story about a young teenage boy trapped in a hellish future where everyone is happy, all the time, especially when they're not.

To avoid harmful emotions that society has deemed as dangerous to people as a loaded gun, everyone, when they turn 13 years of age, must have an emotion controlling face mask surgically installed.

Thanks to this miracle breakthrough, no hate, no fear, no sorrow exists. Just happiness. The world is at peace.

But, is it all a lie?

Henryson is about to find out.

It's his 13th birthday next week after all. And his family is so very happy for him. But, Henryson is not happy. He has to lie, to cover up the growing anxiety that is gnawing at his chest. When his friend, Gusson, offers to sneak him into the masking facility, so that they can see how it's done, they both learn the gruesome truth of the world.


Excerpt

“Will it hurt?”

“What? No, of course not. Don’t be silly sweety.”

“But my child-friend companion and fellow classmate told me how it’s done. He says it hurts a lot. They strip everything off, reveal you for who you really are. Then cover it all up with a smile.”

“Don’t listen to your classmates, they don’t know anything about how it’s really done. Trust me kiddo, you’ll be fine.”

Until age 13 children wear removable masks that are blank silver mirrors with open eye holes. Since children are unable to fully control feelings, and can’t get a mask until they are 13 years of age, the mirror masks were instated to spare everyone from seeing emotions on their faces. Sadness, anger, jealousy, and hate are horrible feelings, and must never be experienced.

Tomorrow is my thirteenth birthday. Lucky 13 as they say. The day when everything changes. No more tears, no more anger or confusion or frustration. Just happiness and joy, forever and ever. A smile every day, all day. For the rest of my life.

“Joy to the World,” as they sing during morning flag salute. Our flag has a picture of the Earth on it, with a big happy smile pasted over it. Smile, and the world smiles with you. Cry, and you cry alone. No one wants to be alone, so we help them. Fix them. Make them happy. The bad emotions are gone from adult life. It has made our world a safe place, with each day the same as the last.

If you're doing NaNoWriMo, feel free to add me as a writing buddy!
https://nanowrimo.org/participants/cassie-carnage/novels/rites-of-passage-1281019

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Here's a FREE CHAPTER from my Scifi Body Horror Novella THE SEAS ARE SCREAMING





GET THE SEASE ARE SCREAMING HERE 

Part Two


We spent the next month together.

Kiki took some time off to stay with me while I got used to the side-effects from the new medications.

The first few days were the worst, but after that, I began to even out and not feel so nauseous all the time, which was one hell of a relief, let me tell you.

I thought that I’d be stuck feeling like crap for months, but it only took a few weeks for me to start feeling like my old self again. I wasn’t as dizzy, nor as tired, and even though my legs still gave out sometimes, I was getting some of my strength back.

For the first time in over a month, I got a decent night’s sleep.

Unfortunately, I woke up early the next morning. If it weren’t for Kiki arguing on the phone, I would’ve slept until late that afternoon.

She was in the kitchen. Her voice traveled down the short hall and into the bedroom. The door was open just a crack and light from the kitchen spilled in.

I looked at the clock. It was 5:30 a.m.

Whoever called was important. Kiki didn’t get up much before noon on her days off.

“No. I told you, it’s all gone. There’s nothing left.”

I yawned and rolled over. I tried to get back to sleep, but I couldn’t. She was talking just a little too loud for that.

“Of course, of course. Yes. I did. No, no. The footage is corrupted. The samples are inconclusive.”

Ah. She’s talking about work. 

I put an arm over my face to block out the light.

“What! Are you sure?”

The tone of her voice made me sit up. Something wasn’t right.

“They’re dead? All of them?”

She better be talking about fish and not people…

Kiki sighed. “Yes, yes. I understand. I’ll see you at the lab. One o’clock. Yes! I’ll be there. Goodbye.” She hung up. “Shit!” she shouted and threw her phone against the living room wall. I heard her scrambling to dig it out from behind the couch.

Yawning, I got out of bed and shuffled to the living room to see what was going on.

Kiki was bent over the back of the couch, her bare ass up in the air, her pink satin nightgown had slipped up when she dove to reach behind it.

I was sorely tempted to smack it, but I decided not to. She was in a bad mood. Doing that would only direct her anger at me. I didn’t feel like dealing with that, so I behaved.

For once.

“Hey there, sweet cheeks. Everything all right?” I asked, startling her. She bumped her head on the wall as she stood up.

“Ow,” she said, rubbing her forehead. Her phone was in her other hand.

“What’s going on? Who were you arguing with?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. They’re just threatening to pull the grant money.”

“Again? I thought you guys convinced them that you’re on the right track.”

“Well, we did. But there’s been some…complications.”

I stifled a yawn. “What kind of complications?”

“Sabotage. At least, that’s what it sounds like.”

“Seriously?”

“The college board of directors thinks that someone actively sabotaged our work in Belize, and they want answers. Glassner is livid. He thinks that the college is purposefully looking for an excuse to shut us down.”

“You never mentioned this before.”

“Because it wasn’t that big of a deal. I mean, yeah, someone stole our research materials and dumped them in the ocean, but we got proof that they worked. The Caddis Initiative formula, the one that we helped create, it had cured coral bleaching. So the board of directors backed down. But now—” she sighed and made a helpless gesture with her hands.

I took them and put her phone down on the coffee table.

“Sit with me chamo. Tell me what happened.”

She sat on the couch and leaned into me. I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a hug. She squeezed my arms and held them close.

I gave her a moment to calm down before I asked, “So, was that your boss on the phone?”

“Yes. Professor Glassner wanted to give me a heads up. He thinks that corporate will send someone to interview us. And that could put us back weeks in our research. We’re at a delicate time in our studies. We can’t afford to put things on hold again.”

“You sure that’s all? Sounded like it was worse than that. Like something, or someone, had died.”

“Oh.”

“Did someone die?”

“What? No.” She waved it off with a nervous laugh. “It was just the fish we were using as test subjects. No one died. It’s not that bad. And you know, if we lose the grant money, I’ll still have a job teaching as adjunct faculty with him. He won’t lose his position as department head.”

“More like fish head.”

“I can’t believe you still say that stupid line.”

“I think it’s funny.”

“I know. I just…I don’t need this right now. I have enough to deal with. Why does everything always happen all at once?”

“That’s life chamo. No way to avoid it. It’s just how the universe works.”

“Well, it’s stupid. Fix it.”

“Take it up with God. I’m not the miracle worker. He is.”

“God is an artificial social construct invented by man to make sense of death and random horrible life events.”

“If you say so.”

Kiki was an atheist. I was raised Catholic. It was an interesting combination, to say the least.

“Hey, I’m sorry I woke you. I didn’t realize that I was being so loud.”

“It’s fine. I wasn’t sleeping well anyway. The new drugs give me weird dreams.”

“But, they’re keeping you alive, until they can find a way to safely operate on you, so there’s that.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m hungry. Make me breakfast woman.”

She chuckled. “You know that you only get away with saying that because I love you, right?”

I kissed her forehead. “Yup.”

“Good. Then, I’ll start breakfast.”

“Excellent.”

I wandered back to the bedroom and got dressed.

Sabotage? 

That kind of was a big deal. 

Why didn’t she tell me about this sooner? She had plenty of time since she returned from her research trip to tell me. Did she honestly think that it wasn’t that big of a problem? Or did she not want me to worry about it? 

It didn’t sit right with me.

Kiki had seemed a bit distracted for a few weeks after she came back, but I figured that it was just jet lag and the stress from getting her teaching lessons ready.

But, maybe it wasn’t.

Maybe she was worried about her project, and what it would do to the sea life.

I mean, I was no brilliant marine biologist working on getting a doctorate. I was a licensed plumber. I worked at the water treatment plant. But even I knew that just dumping experimental chemical compounds into the ocean wasn’t a good idea.

Plankton ingests that crap, bigger animals eat them, they in turn, are eaten by larger fish and so on. The substances build up in the larger fish’s bodies—like mercury for instance—and by the time we go to eat them, they are at toxic levels.
The ocean is a fine-tuned ecosystem.

Tip the scales too much in one direction, and there could be catastrophic results.

It was odd that she would keep this from me. Sure, Kiki kept secrets, but she always was upfront with me about things.

At least, I thought that she was, until now.

Made me wonder just what else she was keeping from me.

I sat on the couch and put my feet up on the coffee table while she started breakfast.

Bowser kept jumping on my chest, trying to lick my face. He wagged his tail, and bounced
everywhere, tongue lolling about and he tried to give me what Kiki affectionately called “kisses.”

Dog slobber was nasty.

“Ugh. Get down.” I pushed his stupid little butt until he jumped off the couch. “Kiki, where did you put the TV remote?”

“On the side table, with all of your other remotes.”

“Of course,” I muttered. “Why would I look anywhere else?”

She was in the kitchen, making pancakes. She loved making breakfast. Her cooking wasn’t terrible. It wasn’t the greatest, but it was edible.

“Did you find it?” she asked as she wiped her hands on a cute little frilly white apron with a pair of red lips on it that said KISS THE COOK.

If I wore it, it’d be hideous, but everything she wore looked super cute.

“Yeah. I found it. You don’t have to come over here.”

“You sure?” she asked and Bowser ran over to her and jumped on her leg until she reached down and picked him up. “Who’s a cutie patootie? You are, yes you are,” she said and kissed his nose.

He licked her face and she giggled.

“Hey, don’t let the pancakes burn.”

“Oh, fudge crackers,” she said and dropped Bowser and rushed back to the stove top and flipped the pancakes. “Crap!”

“Uh-huh.”

“Shut up. They’re fine. Just, a little over-done is all.”

“Whatever. You know that I’ll eat anything. I’m not picky.”

“You’re so sweet.”

The 8 o’clock morning news came on, and the reporter started talking.

“Hey, turn that up. I want to hear it.”

I turned up the volume on the TV.

The reporter stood outside the fence of the water treatment plant I worked at.

“Over the past few weeks, the CDC has received numerous calls from fishermen and medical officials of Sausautucket, New Jersey. A mysterious new disease is affecting the wildlife, and the townsfolk as well.”

“Oh no,” Kiki said. “It’s in the news now? How many people have come down with it?”

“No idea. I thought they were going to say something about the water treatment plant, but they were just using it as a back drop to start the segment. I was just about to call Frankie to tell him to check it out.”

A guy on the TV showed the reporter a sore on his arm. It was a red oval lesion, with a silvery blister bubble in the center.

“Yeah, I had three that burst on my back last night, and this one showed up this morning. The docs don’t know what to make of it. They just send me home with antibiotics, but they ain’t doing squat,” the man said.

“This is just one example of the strange, unidentifiable disease that’s affected the town of Sausautucket. While it does not appear life threatening, it is painful enough to send people to the hospital in droves. 

“Some locals think that it is linked to bacterial contamination of the water supply, and they have blamed the old filtration units of the water treatment plant, which is currently scheduled for renovation this fall. We asked Superintendent Franklin Kelly earlier, and he said that while the water company has no official stance on the matter, he assured me that the filtration units have all been tested by OSHA and are in healthy running conditions. Back to you, Jim.”

I turned down the TV.

“So no one knows what is causing it, huh?” Kiki asked.

“Nope. Not a clue.”

Bowser barked at her, ran over to the door and started scratching it.

“In a sec, puppy! Sheesh,” she said and took off the apron and threw it over the top of a chair.

“What about the pancakes?”

“Ugh! Just, flip them when they start to bubble. I’ll be back in a minute” she said, sliding on her sandals. She grabbed Bowser’s pink leash, hooked it to his collar and stepped out of the apartment.

I sighed and walked over to the kitchen.

She’s crazy if she thinks I won’t murder these things. I’m a horrible cook.

I grabbed the spatula and stood over the pan. I held it like a baseball bat and swung it over the stove.

Outside, Bowser growled and started barking. I heard Kiki shout at him to shut up, and he continued barking like a madman. He must've seen a squirrel or something.

The pancakes started to bubble.  I tried to flip them over, but they didn't turn and became a mushy pile of batter in the pan.

“Perfect pancakes every time,” I said, mocking that stupid infomercial they keep playing for the PERFECT PANCAKE MAKER. It’s just a waffle iron with the grid removed. Definitely not worth $29.95 plus shipping.

Bowser yelped.

Damn, that little dog is freaking loud. I wonder what he got into now?

I turned off the stove burner and slid the pancake lumps onto the plate. No way I could make anything edible. She could deal with it.

My phone beeped.

Kiki sent me a text that read, “COME OUTSIDE!!!!!”

Bowser probably got away from her again and was hiding underneath the apartment dumpster out back. He’s done that every time she took him out this week. The little bastard was obsessed with something he thought was under there.

Maybe he smelled a dead rat.

I put on my shoes and grabbed my keys, locking the door behind me before easing my way down the steps and out the side door of the apartment complex.

An ambulance streaked by with the siren wailing.

It was the third one this morning. Stupid tourists. There were always more ambulances out once tourist season started.

“Where are you chamo?”

“Over here! By the dumpster.”

Called it.

Kiki was squatting by the rusty green dumpster and poking at something with a short stick. Her blue ruffled mini-skirt hiked up high on her thighs. Her panties peeked out from under them. They matched the skirt and had delicate white lace trim around the edges.

Nice.

“Who you giving fan service to?” I asked and flipped up the back of her skirt.

Kiki reached back with one hand and pulled it down.

“No one. Jeez!”

“What are you doing down there? Helping Bowser fish for roaches?”

“No.”

“What then?”

She grinned at me.

“I found something.”

“Found what? Where’s Bowser?”

“I tied him to the tree over there so he wouldn’t get bit.”

“Bit by what?” I asked and tried to look around her.

“Wait a sec.” Kiki put out a hand to block me. “I want to take a picture and send this to Professor Glassner before it moves again.”

“Oh, the college guy? The one you're in love with? Didn’t you talk to him enough this morning?”

“No. Not him, the other one.”

“Oh. Him. I see. Carry on.”

I leaned against the dumpster as she took pictures.

“Okay Bam Bam, come here and check it out,” she said as she sent a text. “I want to see what Prof thinks it is. I've never seen anything like it before.”

I popped a squat next to her.

“So, what are we looking at exactly?”

“Some sort of marine creature I think.”

In front of the dumpster was a legless purple crab the size of a football. It was covered in a lumpy, pulsating pile of white slime.

The slime wiggled like Jell-O when she poked it with a stick.

“How did it get here?” I asked.

“A bird probably dropped it. Could’ve picked it up off the beach thinking it could eat it or something.”

“Stop messing with it, you’re going to piss it off.”

“I’m trying to observe its response to physical stimuli.”

“You’re poking it with a stick.”

“Don’t question me while I am performing the scientific method.”

“All right, have it your way.”

The creature chittered, and a crab leg unfolded up out the top center of the shell with a loud crack.
The leg batted the stick away.

“What the hell? What is that?” I asked, and took a step away from it.

“I don't know. Isn't that great? Becca, this could be a new marine species!”

“A mutant crab? I highly doubt it.”

“You lack imagination.” Her phone chimed and she looked at it. “Prof just texted me. He wants me to bring it to the lab. Help me find something to put it in.”

I spotted a piece of cardboard on the concrete grabbed it.

“Hey, why don't we use the dog carrier?  We’ll shove that thing into it with this, and zip it up tight. After we eat, you can drive it over to the lab and drop it off.”

“Good idea. You're the best Bam Bam.”

“Why do I get the feeling that I'm going to regret this?”

She leaned over and kissed me.

“I'll make sure that you won't. Here’s the car keys.”

I popped opened the back hatch of her Mini Cooper. I looked at the dog carrier and had second thoughts.

If that crab was covered in a nasty parasite or bacteria, and we couldn't clean it properly, it could infect Bowser.

Damn.

I shut the door, tossed the cardboard scrap aside and went back over to her.

Bowser was yipping and growling, bouncing back with each bark, digging up grass with his claws as he went.

“Shh! Bow-Bow. Be quiet.” Kiki pointed her finger at him. He ignored her and kept right on barking.

“Oh yeah. He's trained real good there, chamo.”

“Where’s the carrier? Did I forget it at my place?”

“No. It’s in there. But it’s not going to work.”

“Why not? It’s big enough, right?”

“No, that’s not the issue…Ugh. All this excitement is making me lightheaded. I’m getting dizzy.”
Kiki grabbed my arm and helped me over to sit on the back steps.

“Sit here a minute.”

“Thanks.”

I took a deep breath and waited for the world to stop spinning.

“As I was saying, for all we know, that thing could be infected with a nasty disease. If we put Bow-Bow in the carrier afterward, and we don’t clean it out well enough? He could get whatever it has and end up being dissected in a lab.”

“Crap. You’re right. I guess we need a box and something to scoop it up with.”

“Sure, let me just pull a shovel out of my ass and we'll pick it up.”

“The apartment complex has a snow shovel by the back door. We could use that.”

“Oh yeah. And maybe if you ask the complex manager nicely and show him your tits he’ll let you keep it.”

“Good idea. I’ll go find him now.”

“You're an idiot.”

“Well, you're the one who loves an idiot, so what does that make you?”

“The smart one in this relationship. Duh. Keep your shirt on and let me think a minute.”

She laughed.

Behind her, the weird crab quivered and shook.

“Oh neat,” Kiki said and walked back over to look at it.

“Hey, don’t get too close.”

Bowser whined. He sounded scared.

The slime coating shivered, then pulled tight against the crab’s body, and disappeared. Like it was rapidly absorbed.

Chamo, come back here, it could be dangerous,” I said and gently pulled her over to stand next to me.

There was a sharp bone-cracking sound. The shell shrank to about half its size, and ten crab legs popped up from the top and unfolded, pulling the remnants of the white jelly into strings as they parted open.

It was almost as if it had just made the legs out of its shell.

But…that wasn’t possible. Was it?

Madre de Dios,” I said and crossed myself.

Kiki grabbed my shoulders and hid behind me, using my body as a shield as we watched it move.
The legs were all over, sticking up at odd angles on the top and sides of its body. They twitched and stretched out, tentatively touching the asphalt. They weren’t in the right spots for it to walk with them; some barely reached the ground, others were at awkward angles that would not support its weight.

“What is that?” I whispered.

“I don’t know.”

As we stood and stared, the base sockets of the legs were pushed out of the crab body by tiny orange roots. Like weird alien tentacles, the roots walked the legs, sockets and all, down to the sides of the shell, where they wriggled and burrowed back into the body.

“It has free-floating legs. How is that possible?” she asked.

“No clue. You're the marine biologist. You tell me.”

Kiki shoved her phone past my head to record a video as it stood up and took slow, measured, jerking steps towards Bowser.

There was no telling what it would do if it got a hold of him.

I had to stop it with something before anyone got hurt.

There was an empty milk crate sitting by the back door. The ground was littered with cigarette butts, so it had to be our downstairs neighbor, Mrs. Waters. She liked to sit when she smoked.

“Stay here. Don't let that thing get close to you,” I said.

“And what are you going to do?”

“Save your stupid dog before he gets eaten.”

I walked towards the back door, my head pounding with the start of one hell of a migraine.
Kiki picked up the stick she was poking it with earlier and tossed it at the crab. It startled, pulled all its legs close, then made a strange angry hissing sound.

“Kiki!”

“What?”

“Why did you do that? You’re pissing it off.”

“I had to see if its eyes worked the same way as a normal crab’s.”

“Do they?”

“Yes. Its eyes can sense motion by detecting changes in light and shadows,” she said. “If you don’t move fast, it won’t see you.”

“Like the T-Rex in JURASSIC PARK, right? It can't see me if I'm standing still?”

“Yup. Exactly like that.”

I took a step and waited.

The crab inched toward me.

I took another step and stopped.

It did the same.

The distance between myself and that thing was longer than the distance to the back door. If I timed it right, I could make it to the milk crate just before the mutant crab reached me.

Keeping my eyes on it, I took slow, long strides on shaking legs over to the crate.

With each step, it moved closer to me.

“Be careful Becca.”

“I got this. Just stay calm.”

 When I was an arm's length away I rushed for the crate. The crab skittered fast towards me; its legs digging into the asphalt, scraping deep white lines as it went.

I snatched up the milk crate and slammed it over the creature just as it tried to spear me with a leg.
The crab grunted and squeaked. Long, black needle-sharp quills popped out of the top of its shell.  I pulled my hands away before it could stick me with them.

I snatched the large rock Mrs. Peters used to prop open the back door and set it on the milk crate, anchoring it in place, and stepped back.

The crab stopped quivering. The needles pulled back into its body, which then turned a threatening bright red.

“Holy crap! It has chromatophores too?” Kiki shouted.

“It has what now?”

“Skin cells that let octopi and chameleons change their skin color.”

“Ah.”

One of its front legs cracked loudly as it elongated and doubled in size. A set of finger-length, mottled lilac pincers formed on the end.

The pincered leg touched the milk crate in different spots like it was exploring the points to find where the bars intersected on the sides.

“Are you okay?” Kiki asked. “You’re shaking pretty bad.”

“Yeah. I’m fine. It didn’t get me.”

“You sure?”

“I’m good. Really, I’m fine.”

She picked up Bowser and carried him over.

“Oh man. This is so scary, and yet so cool.”

“Chamo, that thing tried to attack us. Why are you happy about it?”

“Because it's unique. We're looking at what could be an entirely new species of animal. It’s exciting!”

“And that's a good thing?” I asked, eying it cautiously.

“Yes. Because we discovered it.”

“You know, if you take it to the college, the science department heads will get all the credit for it.”

“No, they won't. They’re not like that.”

Bowser wriggled, trying to break free from her arms, and she held him tighter.

“You kidding? That's the way the world works. You're the lowly peasant. You get no credit.”

“Boo. But, we should still take it to Professor Glassner. We need to study this. It could be super important. I mean, what if you're right and it has a contagious disease that we've never seen before?”

I sighed.

“Fine. But we're going to need something better than a milk crate to carry it. I have an empty storage tub upstairs. That should hold it. We can throw it out when we’re done. I’ll go get it.”

“You sure you want to run up and grab it? I mean, I could do it for you. You can stay here, and watch Bow-Bow and the crab.”

“I’ll be fine. We’re on the second floor. I'll only be a few minutes, tops. Just don't let anyone near it. Tell them it's poisonous or something.”

“Okay. Be careful Bam Bam. Don’t run on the stairs and fall and hurt your head. I’d hate to have to take you to the hospital again.”

“I’ll be careful, promise,” I said and went inside, going up the stairs as fast as I dared, gripping the handrail to support myself.

She was right, the last thing I needed was to fall and crack my head open.

I opened my door and rushed inside, leaving the keys in the lock and the door wide open. With shaking hands, I grabbed the empty clear storage tub, made sure that the lid would seal tight and locked the door.

I double-checked to make sure I had my keys, then rushed down the stairs. I didn’t hear Mrs. Waters walking up to her apartment and ran right into her, then bounced my hip on the end of the rail and caught myself before I fell and smacked my head on the floor.

“Damn it.”

“Oh my!  I’m so sorry! Are you hurt?” she asked, and took my arm with a pudgy hand to help steady me. Her floral mumu dress was a wall of powder blue fabric with large tropical flowers sticking their tongues out at the world. It was lurid, yet kitschy at the same time.

“Thanks. No, I’m not hurt. Sorry about that. I’m kind of in a hurry.”

“Oh? Where's the fire?”

“At your mom's,” I said and she laughed as I stepped outside.

Kiki stood there, holding the doggy carrier—now with Bowser inside—watching the crab with wide eyes.

“Did you turn off the stove?” she asked.

“Yeah. I did that before I came out.”

 “Cool. You know, I have to admit, this is rather unsettling. Something’s really off about this thing. I don't like how quickly its body changed. I mean, those needles weren't there before. They weren't hiding in the mess of silver mucous or its lumpy shell. It made its legs and those quills in response to feeling threatened by us. Crabs can't change their bodies like that. It's just not natural.”

“You’re right. They don’t. Go pull your car up. I’ll  put the crab in this and we’ll head straight to the college.”

“Sure,” she said and got into her car. She backed it out of the parking spot and pulled up beside the dumpster.

I stepped over to the milk crate.

While I was gone, two of the crab legs had moved closer to the front and had turned into serrated half-claws.  They were sawing through the plastic arms of the crate’s grid.

Kiki rolled down her window and popped open the passenger side door.

“When did it get those?” I asked.

“Just now, I think.”

“Wonderful. Just give me a sec and I’ll scoop it up.”

Kiki nodded and gripped the steering wheel tight.

She was nervous.

So was I.

“This is loco. Why am I doing this?” I asked myself as I slowly walked up to the crate.
I slowly tilted one end of the milk crate up and slid the tub lid under it. The crab legs lifted to allow the lid to slide under its body.

I did this once with a spider I caught in a glass cup on the table. I had slipped a piece of paper under the rim of the glass and kept pushing it across. The spider calmly walked onto the paper, just as the crab was doing now with the plastic lid.

Once the lid was completely under the crab, I flipped the tub upside-down and set it over the milk crate. I pushed down and snapped it into the lid, securely shutting the crate and the strange crab inside.

I carefully lifted up the tub, still holding it upside down, and walked it over to the car.

“This thing is heavier than it looks. Be careful,” I said as I handed her the tub.

“Whoa. You weren't kidding. How much do you think it weighs?”

“Off the top of my head? Probably 25 pounds or so.”

“Wow.”

I got into the passenger seat, buckled the seat belt, and took the tub from her.

“Ready?” she asked.

“Let’s do this.”

Kiki backed up fast, kicking up gravel as she turned her Mini Cooper around and drove out onto the main road.

I could almost hear the gears turning in her head. It was like she couldn’t decide if she should be excited or scared about all of this.

“This is just, incredible. I mean, this is really, really exciting stuff here.”

“I don't know, something isn't right about all of this.”

“Why? Because it's exhibiting behavior never before observed in animal life on Earth?”

“Yes. That's exactly why I think that. It's unnatural. It is of el Diablo.”

“Oh, no. Don't go getting all superstitious on me now.”

“I can't help it. I'm Latina. Catholicism is in my blood.”

“Right. How silly of me to forget,” she said and pulled onto the street that led to the community
college.

Bowser whined from inside of his carrier on the backseat.

“See? Even your dog doesn’t trust that thing.”

“Oh, Bow-Bow whines like that every time I take him in the car. That’s normal.”

“If you say so.”

Plastic snapped inside the tub, making me jump.

“What was that?” she asked.

“It’s breaking the crate apart.”

Kiki whistled. “Aggressive little bugger, huh? Here, text Professor Glassner and tell him we’ll be
there in a few minutes.”

She handed me her phone and I looked at her funny.

“What?”

“I hate your phone, it’s retarded.”

“Is not. You’re just an iThingie hater.”

“Whatever.”

I figured out what app to hit and selected Professor Glassner from the list and sent him a text.

He replied right away with,“Meet me at the back door.”

“He said to meet him at the back door, and to leave your panties in the car.”

“He did not. Shut up.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I think someone’s prof is a pervert.”

“Idiot. Give me the phone.”

I handed it to her and she glanced at the text and gave me a look.

“You are so stupid.”

“You should know better than to believe me when I say things like that.”

“I guess so.”

Kiki parked the car next to the side door of the marine sciences building.

“Hold on, I’ll get the door for you,” she said, and came around the side and popped open the car door. I gave her the tub so that I could climb out of her little clown car, and then took it from her.

Kiki grabbed Bowser's carrier from the backseat.

“Leave him.”

“I can’t. It’s too hot to leave him in the car.”

“Fine. Whatever. Let’s go, this is getting heavy. I probably shouldn’t even be carrying it.”
She gave me an apologetic look and we walked towards the faculty entrance, where Professor
Glassner opened the door and let us in.

“This way ladies, we’ll take it to the lab.”

He ushered us to his classroom.

Kiki held the door for me and I walked inside.

“Set it down over here please,” he said and I gently placed the tub on the lab table.

The professor locked his door and then lowered all the window blinds.

“It's not a gremlin, prof. It's not going to burn up in sunlight or anything,” I said.

“Can't have prying eyes looking at this before we get to study it in detail. There's no way I'm letting
Doctor Collins get the credit for this.”

He brushed back his thinning brown hair with a hand and straightened his rumpled lab coat.
That coat seriously needed bleaching, and his old worn Oxford shoes slid over the tiled floor as he walked. Not exactly the safety oriented type. In fact, he looked like the type to forget about important, dangerous things.

I gave Kiki a look. She grinned sheepishly and shrugged. She liked Professor Glassner.

She trusted him.

Silly girl.

“Kiki, you didn’t introduce us,” he said.

“This is my friend, Rebecca Espinoza. Everyone calls her Becca. Becca, this is Professor Glassner.”

“I kind of figured,” I said.

“Oh, you must be the one that was in the hospital that she was telling me about the other day. How has the medication been working for you?”

“Excuse me?”

“You have a brain hemorrhage condition. What’s it called?” He snapped his fingers. “Cerebral cavernous malformation. That’s the name of it right?”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“Ah. Kiki didn’t say that it was a sensitive subject for you. Forgive me for bringing it up.”

“Oh, it’s nothing. It just killed my mom and aunt. It’s not a big deal at all.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that. You know, you could sign up for a new trial drug they’re testing for it. It could help with some of the symptoms.”

“I’m fine. Thanks.”

My heart was pounding.

I was pissed.

Son of a bitch. 

Kiki told him I was sick. 

She promised me she wouldn’t tell anyone.

Not only that, but she said that she wasn’t going to lie about us anymore. And she introduced me as a friend?

A friend?

Unbelievable.

The room tilted a foot to the right and I grabbed onto the edge of the lab table to steady myself. If I got too mad, and my blood pressure spiked, I could be in serious trouble.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

“What’s wrong?” Kiki asked.

“Nothing. Just dizzy. I’m going to sit over here until we go if you don’t mind.”

“Sure.”

I hopped up on a stool, leaned my back against the lab table and waited for the room to stop spinning.

She told him about my illness, but not that we were dating? 

I thought that I was used to it, but I wasn't.

Kiki still hasn’t told anyone that she’s gay. No one she went to school with or worked with knew about us. 

Besides, wasn’t she going to “turn over a new leaf” and let people know the truth about her? About us?

Fucking figures. 

She isn’t ever going to change, is she?

“Well then, let’s open this up and take a look at what we’ve got here,” Glassner said and popped off the tub lid.

“Be careful,” Kiki warned. “It reacts fast. It’s surprisingly agile. And it keeps physically adapting its body to new stimuli.”

“Adapting. In what way?”

“Growing legs and quills out of nowhere,” I said.

“Really? I find that highly implausible.”

“Whether you believe it or not Professor, that thing is hyper adaptive. I’ve never seen a marine animal change its body so drastically in such a short amount of time. It’s almost as though it came into contact with something that’s forcing its body to change.”

They exchanged a look that made me uneasy.

They knew something and they weren't telling me about it.

But why?

He stood close to her as he removed the tub.

Bowser whined and I took the carrier from Kiki.

“Oh, thanks, Becca.”

“Sure,” I said and put it on the lab table next to me.

Bowser looked around, sniffed the air, his pointed ears moving this way and that as he tried to figure out where he was now.

I looked at him and whispered, “I hope that thing bites him. You?”

He sneezed in reply.

I was pretty sure that meant yes.

Glassner put the tub on the side of the lab table and whistled.

The serrated half-claw legs were busy sawing apart the thick plastic rungs on the milk crate.
Bits of the black plastic was covering the top of the crab in places like spikes of armor. It looked like it removed the rungs and shoved them into its shell.

“What in the world are you?” he asked and squatted down so that he was eye-level with the table and looked at the mouths on its underside. “Mandibles and chelipeds on the abdomen? I wonder if they all lead to its stomach or if they’re vestigial?”

“Who knows?” I said. “You got a cage or a tank that thing can fit in? You don’t want it roaming around here. It’ll tear this place apart.”

“Good point. There’s a spare tank next door. I’ll go grab it,” he said and stepped out of the room.

 Kiki stood there, watching the crab as it cut the milk crate apart.

“That plastic crate is thick. It’s hard to bend or cut through,” she said.

“Yup. That’s why I grabbed it.”

“So, how is it ripping it apart so quickly?”

I eased off the stool and stood by her. “Those claws, they look crazy sharp.”

“They do. There’s metal lining them now. They’re like serrated knives or a saw. Holy crap dude, this is insane.”

I pointed.

“Check it, there’s a mouth on the front now.”

It looked like the main mouth of the crab, except the mandibles were longer with hooked ends. It looked more like a squid's beak than a crab's mandibles.

“Whoa. That looks super dangerous.”

“It didn’t before? What are you, stupid?”

“No. What’s your problem?”

“I have a killer headache and I’m hungry,” I said as Glassner came back in carrying a large fish tank with a metal lid.

He set it down on the table.

“This is reinforced fiberglass,” he said, rapping his knuckles against the side of the tank. “I got it last year when a student was studying mantis shrimp. Those things can hit the bottoms of tanks so hard, they crack the glass.”

“Damn. That’s impressive.”

“They’re very interesting creatures. The lid clamps down on it, so the crab will have a difficult time pushing it up and off it.”

“What do you think it eats?” Kiki asked.

“Miniature Pinschers,” I said and she hit my arm.

“I would hazard to guess that it would consume what other crabs in the area eat. What beach did you find this on?” he asked.

“Um. We didn’t find it at the beach. It was outside Becca’s apartment building, hiding by the dumpster.”

“Eating the concrete,” I added.

“Eating…the concrete?” he said and raised an eyebrow.

“Seriously?” Kiki asked.

“Yup. There’s a hole in it now. I noticed it as we were driving away. It cut a disk clean out of the parking lot.”

“That’s bizarre. I’d love to see it. Got a picture of it?”

“No,” Kiki said. “We thought it best to come straight here. I’ll take a picture and send it to you when
we get back.”

“Good idea. I’m going to go grab some Kevlar gloves and then we’ll gently slide the specimen into the tank. Becca, would you mind helping Kiki move the tank onto a pair of stools and holding it steady while we transfer it?”

“Only if I get gloves too,” I said and he shot me a look. “What? You want me to catch something nasty from it? I’m not getting that close without some sort of protection on my hands.”

“Becca has a point,” Kiki said. “Its legs are quite long. For all we know, it can hyper-extend them and hit us as we try to move it.”

Glassner stood there, watching the crab for a moment.

“You’re right. I’ll get three pairs.”

He walked over to the closet in the lab and pulled out three metal meshed gloves and gave us both a pair to put on.

“I thought you said these were Kevlar,” I said while sliding them on.

“They’re Kevlar-lined steel mesh gloves. We use them to handle sharks.” Kiki flexed her fingers in her gloves. “Bring that stool over here, will you?”

I picked up the stool and placed it next to the one she grabbed from another lab table. We picked up the fish tank and set it on them.

Kiki took off the lid and tipped it on its side.

“You hold that, and as soon as that thing gets in here, put it on,” I said and Kiki nodded.

“We’ll tip the tank upright after we’ve secured it,” Glassner said.

“Yup. Let’s do this,” I said and held the tank steady.

Glassner took a deep breath. “Right,” he said and held his hands awkwardly over the crab. It stopped ripping off a piece of the bottom of the tub and all of the clawed legs raised upward towards his hand and started snapping at him.

“Oh my,” he said. “Uh…”

I sighed.

“Put your hands down. It follows motion. Just grab the end of the tub lid and slide it over, like you said you were going to do in the first place.”

“Yes. I did say that, didn’t I?”

“Yup.”

Kiki watched, her eyes wide. “Be careful Prof.”

“Always,” he said. “All right. On three. One. Two. Three.”

He shoved the lid off the lab table and into the huge tank. The large crab skittered up the lid and onto Glassner’s arm. He cried out, startled as it pinched his lab coat and tried to rip it off of him. Without thinking I grabbed the back of the crab and yanked it off and shoved it into the tank.

Kiki slammed the lid down and locked the clasps in place.

“Bam Bam, your gloves.”

My hands were bare.

The gloves were gone.

I looked at the tank.

My gloves were stuck to the sides of the crab.

“I did not mean to do that.”

“No harm in it,” Glassner said.

There were a few rips in his lab coat sleeves, but no blood. It didn’t look like it hurt him.

“Are you two uninjured?”

“I’m fine,” Kiki said.

“It didn’t get me. It just stole my gloves.”

“But your hands,” Glassner said. “They’re scraped up.”

I looked at them. Scrapes ran over the tops of my hands.

They started to ooze little droplets of blood.

“Huh. That’s weird.”

“We should clean those out, just in case,” Kiki said and she grabbed my arm and walked me over to the sink.

Glassner brought the first aid kit and she washed out the scrapes on my hands.

“Does it hurt?” she asked.

“No. Should it?”

“I dunno. Just asking.”

“It’s fine,” I said and pulled my hands away. “I think I can handle washing my hands. Go help lover boy finish whatever it is you need to do to study it and let’s go home. I’m starving.”

“Um, sure,” she said, looking a little upset.

Whatever. She’s the one that’s lying to everyone about us. She has no right to be mad at me.
I finished washing my hands and dried them. I put a couple of bandages on the biggest scrapes.

It should've stung like a bitch, but it didn't hurt at all.

Was this a new symptom of my illness? Or was there something else wrong with me?

I sat and watched them move the tank with the crab onto a wheeled cart.

“I’m taking the next few days off, so I’m not going to leave this here. I’ll take it home to study it,” Glassner said.

“Are you sure? I mean, what if it’s dangerous?” Kiki asked.

“I’ve worked with dangerous marine animals in the past. I’ll be fine,” he said. Sweat was beading up on his forehead.

“You okay there Prof?” I asked. “You’re looking a bit pale.”

“I’m fine. It was just nerve wracking there for a moment.”

“Do you think it could be poisonous?” she asked.

“A poisonous crab? Highly doubtful,” he said and poured a little bit of water into the tank. The crab grunted and squeaked and pulled some of its legs of the sides of the tank and put them in the water.

“There you go, little guy. I’ll get you some food in a moment.”

He talked to it.

And I thought that my girlfriend was weird.

This dude was a fruitcake.

Kiki walked up to me and took my hands gently.

“Thanks for helping. We’ll be done soon.”

 I pulled away from her. “Take your time. Don’t mind me.”

“What’s with the attitude?”

“Nothing. Just hurry up so we can leave. I’m starving.”

I ended up waiting half an hour as Kiki helped Professor Glassner load up some science tools and junk into his Jeep. I just sat there at the lab table, with my head resting on my arm.

I must've fallen asleep because Kiki startled me when she touched me.

“Hey. You okay?”

“Fine. You done yet?”

“We just need your help putting the tank into the back of the Jeep.”

I sighed. “All right.”

I followed her out the side door and into the faculty parking lot.

Glassner stood next to the tank, watching the crab.

It had ripped off one of its arms, which was now coated in a layer of metal, and was scraping the bottom of the tank with its coarse-toothed edge.

The only thing that remained of my gloves were the rubber cuff threads. They were in a discarded pile in a corner of the tank.

“This is just absolutely fascinating,” he said.

“Yeah. Sure is,” I said and walked over. “What do you want me to do?”







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