Friday, March 28, 2014

Nerd Rage! Forget Bay's TMNT, I'm sticking with Phantasm 5!



I have a confession to make. I just suffered from Nerd Rage! I know, I know. Cassie, take a deep breath. It's only a movie, it's only a movie, it's only a movie...

Phew. OK. I'm sure you guys want to know why I totally freaked out. Here's why:



I just watched the two big teaser trailers that just came out over the past two days, one for Michael Bay's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the other for Phantasm 5.

I have to say, out of the two, "Phantasm V: Ravager" looks like the winner. The iconic music score, Reggie, the "BOOOYY!!!" screaming Tall Man (Angus Scrimm) the midgets from hell, the weird outer dimension, the flying balls of death; this movie has it all, and it looks really, really good. (As good as a Phantasm movie can get actually.) Check it out!





In contrast, we have "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" trailer. The actual trailer, not a teaser, but what the movie is actually about... And it tells us basically NOTHING!

Watch the so-called "trailer," below... Sigh....


Bay's TMNT trailer is all flash and no substance. Who are the bad guys? Dudes with machine guns? What about the Foot clan, Shredder, or... SPLINTER?! WHAAAA??!!!

What about their mentor? Huh? What about him? Where'd he go?

And since when was it two guys who created the mutagen and used it to make the Turtles? Double WHAAAA??!

Ow...
I think my inner child just had an aneurysm....

Also, Megan Fox. Just, Megan Fox.... headlining in another Michael Bay movie...

UGH.

I don't picture her doing justice to whatever incarnation of April O'Neil that is in that movie. Thanks a lot Michael Bay. You made another generic summer action blockbuster. Congratulations! But this time, it looks like the turtles are aliens with superpowers, as they can withstand slamming into an SUV or Jeep or whatever the hell that is and crushing it to pieces, and still survive (at least, it's implied that he gets up and walks away from it...)

And the explosions! Man, what?




Here's an artist's rendition of the TMNT Bay movie. I think it's pretty damn accurate myself! 



Too bad for the pizza loving dudes from my childhood, looks like Bay is going to massacre another one of my favorite cartoon characters (OK, so TMNT was a comic book first; sue me. I came to love those guys thanks to the TV show, and the awesome first movie they made.)

Sigh...

This time around I think I'm going to stick with Nickelodeon's TMNT, and go watch the Phantasm movie when it comes out instead...


I love this show! 


I think that Donatello sums this up just right! 

I haven't forgiven you for what you did to the Transformers franchise, Michael Bay, and I NEVER WILL!!!

NERD RAAAAGEEE!!!!



Heh.

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